Lincoln here. So, I've been feeling a little anxious about moving back to South Africa. I'm excited about moving there and doing the work that we will be doing. But I'm also very aware of all of the difficulties that we had last time we were there. The feelings, emotions, fears, difficulties, discouragements, and sorrow that were a regular part of our lives there are still very real in my heart and mind.
I remember clearly the very real sensation of drowning in the overwhelming struggles. I can still feel the knot in my stomach that comes in the middle of life threatening crises. I'm not going back with romantic notions of helping orphans in need, I'm going back with a steadfast determination to make a difference whatever the difficulty. I know what we are in for and I know that it is not going to be easy.
When people ask me if I'm excited to move back, it's a hard question to answer honestly without a lengthy explanation. Yes, I'm excited, but I'm also aware of what awaits us. I feel like a soldier preparing for a worthwhile battle. I'm ready to do what needs to be done, but I also know it's going to be a struggle.
I've been reading the newest book by my favorite author, Brennan Manning, called Ruthless Trust.
In the book, Manning says, "The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and promise."
I want to learn to trust God through anything. I know what lays ahead of us and I want to be ready to trust God.
Manning continues, "The basic premise of biblical trust is the conviction that God wants us to grow, to unfold, and to experience fullness of life. However, this kind of trust is acquired only gradually and most often through a series of crises and trials."
This might sound fatalistic, but it is actually an encouragement to me, knowing that God will draw me closer to him in the midst of the struggle. I thank God for moments where he speaks clearly to me.