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Saturday, July 10, 2010

One of Those Days

I wrote this post earlier this week and have debated about whether or not I should post it.  I want to be honest here on our blog, but I'm afraid of being "too" real.  I was angry the day I wrote this post, here is the toned down version . . .

Some days I can numb myself slightly and shut out the abuse and neglect inflicted upon children.  This is the only way I can do and see what I do and see on a daily basis without completely losing my mind.

Other days I absorb their abuse and pain into my being and feel it so deeply that it seems my heart is going to shatter.

Today was one of those days.

We received some distressing and sad news regarding a child who spent years here at the shelter and was recently placed in a foster home.  Shortly after that I had to turn away two sick, abandoned siblings because we are at our maximum amount of children and don't have the finances to hire more staff to care for more children.

As the woman who brought the abandoned babies to us was leaving she broke down and started sobbing saying "I don't know what I'm going to do with these babies."  We gave her the help that we could; some formula, baby food, clothes, the phone number to a shelter in another town, and I gave her some money, but that was all I could do.

I have no idea what will happen to these two babies, I will most likely never see them or hear about them ever again.

What makes me very angry is when the neglect comes from "christians".  People who are interested more in appearing like they care and receiving accolades from others for their "charity work" than getting their hands dirty, doing what the Bible commands and actually making a difference in the lives of others.  People who have the ability and resources to help but won't.  People who want their egos stroked and want others to know how sacrificing and selfless they are before they will even step foot near a child in need.

Well, I don't have time for that!

There are children dieing and starving and being beaten while we're busy patting each other on the back and tiptoeing around each other's feelings.

I'm sorry that this post is not upbeat and happy, but to be completely honest, sometimes working here can be very difficult.  Sometimes horrible things happen to children and we can't do anything at all to stop it or do anything to help.   Sometimes our hands are tied and there is absolutely nothing we can do.  Some days I want to pack my family up and get on the next plane back to the US.

Some days I feel completely defeated and useless.

Today was one of those days.



  1. Jenny, thank you so much for you honesty and vulnerability. Hard to hear that the "ego stroke" occurs there too. You are living the gospel and serving His Kingdom well and I will pray that He will hold your hearts on those hard days. God bless!

  2. Jenny and Family,

    Thank you for what you do. I know it's not an easy responsibility. It comes with many challenges, stresses and heartache. You will see and endure more pain than anyone can begin to fathom simply by witnessing the pain these children endure. But, you are their shining star. You are their hope. You are their family when they have none. You live selflessly and give your heart to many and through that, you'll change lives. The positive impact you're making in the hearts of these children is immeasurable.

    Thank you.


  3. Oh dear Jenny, what a open heart you have and I feel it calling out to God on behalf of the children. I am very humbled by your words and pray that God will open doors that will be miraculous to your work over there. I pray for your family all the time, up will shoot up some special prayers for God to embrace you and give you peace. God Bless you sweet girl!!! Pat

  4. Jenny,

    Just wanted to say I appreciate your honesty. If we only heard about the victories and what was going right, that would not be the whole picture. The Christian life includes everything, so thank you for sharing the hard days, too.

    BTW, you had previously asked for more ideas of what to share in your blog...for those readers without as much background on you and your family, perhaps you could do a refresher on how God led you into your ministry originally, what the various members of your family do as part of the ministry, how you are supported, whether there are support needs your readers can help with, etc. Perhaps these sound like pretty basic things, but they are all things *I* would like to know more about!

    (((Hugs))) and prayers for you,